Fred's Foo - Bits from Nicksforum
Started by Nice Fred, 5th April 2019 06:27 in The Boring Bin

  1. #21 | 2110475
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    17th-November-2008, 06:03

    It was on Tv last night at midnight. All the progs stopped for the warning but it was retracted a while later.
    Seems the earthquake was quite bad but only one dead. Could have been much worse.
    Didn't feel it at home at all. Long way away. Still I feel sorry for the poor bloke's family.

    Today I'm in KFC, Magalang. It's about an hours drive from home but they have 3.5g here and it's seriously quick.
    just had a burger combo with a pepsi and typing away getting odd looks from the locals.
    Laptops here are about the same price as in the UK but the wages are far lower so technology is expensive. Oddly enough so is KFC and McDonalds.
    Over here they are considered posh as the price is so high for local folks.

    Just going to have another play with google earth before I go home. Just captured a piccy of my village from satellite. I'll pot it later.

    Take care all.

    Fred.
    I'm a low educated, total guttersnipe, dim witted moron.

  2. #22 | 2110476
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    17th-November-2008, 12:09

    Got back home, picked herself up from the shop on the way.
    Lass next door just ran away with MIchelle again so Sulis dragged me upstairs demanding sex.
    I had a headache.

    Now just had some snap that consisted of boild rice and potato.
    What she does is shread the spuds and then makes them into little flat blobs with herbs and spices that she fries in veggie oil.
    Very nice too.
    Add loads of chilli to really make the stuff bite and you are full, happy and farty.

    Sulis is now watching a soap opera that makes eastenders look like they are all high on drugs and has worse acting than van damme on a bad day.

    The make up for injuries puts the old tommy sauce cuts at top end of special effects and there is a baby with an eye in the middle of it's forehead that has "powers".
    Total bx.
    Right off to the bog again.
    I'm a low educated, total guttersnipe, dim witted moron.

  3. #23 | 2110477
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    19th-November-2008, 14:13

    Well I’ve picked up a virus. Not the usual sort where your thingy goes green but the computer sort.
    AVG wouldn’t touch it so I got drastic and wiped the hard drive.
    Back up and running now but lost a couple of programs. Try to get them back later.
    This morning I took the old lass to work and did a little shopping before returning home to collect my computer. I had promised Sulis I would spend the day in the shop with her.
    Anyway I decided a needed a poo before I went back to the shop so I sat on the bog but no matter how much a pushed and make odd noises nothing happened. By nothing I mean I couldn’t shit.
    Anyway of to the shop and a sorting out session with the computer followed by a little testing, a quick fly on the net and watch a movie.Between this I went out and got a very spicy fried rice to eat.
    I have converted all my DVDs to wmv format so I can watch them on the laptop.
    Piddled it down again all day and no customers in the shop. Ho hum.
    Called it a day and went home about 4pm. Sulis got the iron out to do her housework ( I don’t do that stuff, it’s woman’s work).
    Right anyway Sulis is sorting out the clothes and I’m trying to keep Michelle the monster out of trouble when I felt this nasty rumble followed by a fart to end all farts.
    Run to the bog and had a massive crap after the slightest of pushes. That was the bung out of the way.
    I though all was over, cleaned my arse and walked back to Sulis.
    No so. I was only there a minute when I realised another poo was close. Back to see Mr Crapper’s creation. This time I think I emptied the world out of my arsehole in one continuous farty spat lasting a good 30 seconds.
    I must have lost at least 2 stone in weight. Stunk like a skunk who has really got slack and not had a bath for six months.
    I warned Silis not to go in after me but, like all women, she didn’t listen.
    I heard her well enough telling me what a dirty sod I was.
    I'm a low educated, total guttersnipe, dim witted moron.
    Liked by: superwoman


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    20th-November-2008, 12:57

    So cleaning the house in a morning is a bit different from the UK.
    All the floors here are tiled. We use rugs where we sit down so it’s a carpet beater and a brush to clean the floor. No bathroom in the UK sense. We have wet rooms. The shower is on the wall but no cubical. The whole place gets wet but is also an easy job to clean.
    The outside is the oddest. The place outside the door where I keep my bike is tiled and under cover.
    First we have to clean up the toad turds followed by removing the massive number of dead insects that the light has attracted. In doing this you also sweep away the ants that have come for the dead insects.

    Anyway to Michelle. She’s taken to using us to stand up and then letting go for a second to show us that she can stand up unaided. Big smirk all over the gob in a “look at me, aren’t I clever” sort of way.
    Been to town today and on the way home some twit crashed into my bike from behind and on the side.
    As luck goes I am about twice as heavy as the loon as my bike twice as heavy as his so he bounced off.
    Don’t know why he tried to overtake on the right while I was turning right but even if he had managed to get passed me he would have hit the parked van 10 m ahead anyway.

    Other than that not much going on here except I’m going to have to lay off the chilli. My arse could get me to the moon and back this week.

    Wow another arse wobbler as I'm typing. Poo, stinky one.
    I'm a low educated, total guttersnipe, dim witted moron.

  5. #25 | 2110479
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    20th-November-2008, 15:53

    Sulis is spark out in front of the TV. Just recorded her snoring on the phone. Going to set it as her ring tone tomorrow.
    I'm a low educated, total guttersnipe, dim witted moron.

  6. #26 | 2110480
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    23rd-November-2008, 13:01

    Anyway back to the kissy kissy. OK it's not spelt that way but that's how you say it.
    There is a massive push towards learning English here and all the schools are going stupid to be the best in the area. They are all putting up signs to tell the world that they are bilingual or English testing centres or whatever they can to state that they are the best.
    There is one tinsy winsy fly in the ointment. Most of the teachers can't speak English to save their lives and the ones that can open private schools and make much more money.
    Anyway me being the only English bloke for many a mile I'm in demand to visit the schools and in this case do recordings for the oral (that word always turns me on) exams.
    As it goes a lot of words turn me on as I have such a filthy mind.
    Anyway off to the recording studio went fred with this cute little English teacher to do the recordings. Took about three hours to sort out the lot. That's about 33 hours shorter that it took them last year by all accounts so they were very pleased.
    Finished that one and back home with a quick stop off for some fried rice at my favourite restaurant.
    I forgot to mention that the other night we had a serious thunderstorm.
    I'm not kidding the whole house lit up again but this time the thunder was amazing. Now we all know how one of HLs farts can rattle a window or two but these thunderclaps were shaking the whole house and lasted 10 to 15 seconds each time.
    Never heard or felt anything like them. Serious make sure there is a bog roll handy stuff.
    I'm a low educated, total guttersnipe, dim witted moron.

  7. #27 | 2110481
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    26th-November-2008, 13:13

    It was market day yesterday. Now in England market days are always saturdays and whatever but here they float about all over the week.
    I've been trying to work out how the merry toenails it works and how the hell people know what days to turn up. Anyway it turns out that market days are paheng (paing) and wage (waggy).
    Now these are Javanese days and it turns out there are only 5 to a week. All makes sense now.
    Now in general Indonesians tend to be very nice people but they have traits that tend to annoy the ruddy crap out of me. Today I've spent all day sorting out taps in the house that have been playing up. All were down to "It will do" workmanship. Same goes for the electricity downstairs. To save cable they will twist joint bits together but of course it fails after a while. Anyway rewiring the downstairs is my next big job.
    I did the upstairs after kicking out the electrician. I saw what he was up to and gave him the shove.
    As I said Indonesians tend to be nice but they have an it'll do and worry about tomorrow, tomorrow attitude in most things.
    I'm a low educated, total guttersnipe, dim witted moron.

  8. #28 | 2110482
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    27th-November-2008, 07:07

    The shit monster has been doing her best to get hold of my laptop and just for fun she screams the house down if I have it out (the laptop HL not my thingy) and I won't let her get to it.
    So today I've been into Wonosobo and picked up a computer desk. been home, built it up and added the speakers. All ready for tonight now.

    It's my Sister's birthday today so I've made an e-birthday card for her.

    Attachment 34590

    Just had a nutter in the shop. Old bloke who seems to have lost his marbles. Stinks like a dead rat too cap off his horrible ramblings that both Sulis and I have no chance to understand.

    QUICK DUCK - he just walked past talking crap to himself again.

    Right time to feed Michelle her mush food.
    I'm a low educated, total guttersnipe, dim witted moron.

  9. #29 | 2110483
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    29th-November-2008, 13:32

    Really busy day.
    I was asked to visit a school in Perwokerto. It’s a large town about two and a half hours drive away.
    So got up at 4, had a poo, some breakfast and took a couple of photos of the dawn (see good morning thread) before jumping on my bike and heading off.
    Ended up in a madrassa, a Muslim school for kids. Now I know that in the UK most people think these are hotbeds for terrorists but no so here. They are just normal schools but with extra subjects on Islamic studies.
    Anyway it was the common job of having the various classes in front of me, giving them a bit about myself (Never mention the sheep) and then invite questions.
    Good bunch of kids. Their English was pretty good and the questions were well thought.
    One thing about kids here is that they are unbelievably polite. The kids here shake the teacher’s hand on the way into school. Same for me.
    Anyway a few sessions of that and it was off to a restaurant for lunch. They knew that I like spicy so we scampered off to a sambal (Spicy sauce) place. Very nice it was too. On the way there I just had to stop to take this.

    Attachment 34591

    I wonder if they have any idea what a junkie really is.
    I'm a low educated, total guttersnipe, dim witted moron.

  10. #30 | 2110484
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    Default Re: Fred's Foo - Bits from Nicksforum

    3rd-December-2008, 10:05

    I've been living here for 15 months now and been driving about on my little motorbike since I arrived. However today I called in at the local police station for some info and found out that I've been driving about without a valid licence.
    Been stopped loads of time by the cops and never a word but today it turns out to be a problem.
    Anyway a quick phone call or two along with a quick written test and a bit of arsing about on the bike saw me with a new local licence so I'm all legal now.
    The police were extremely helpful.
    That means there will be no sexual favours for hunky coppers if they catch me.
    Oh well, can't have everything.

    I now have to get a new police ID card and a local one as well. Friday sees me off to Semarang for the police one and back to Wonosobo, the local town, for the green ID card.
    Not that anyone has ever asked to see any of them but I suppose I'd better be legal.Don't need to get deported.
    The local sheep would miss me.
    I'm a low educated, total guttersnipe, dim witted moron.

 


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