Synopsis
Started by Memnoch, 13th January 2020 14:09 in TV & Entertainment

  1. #1 | 2144050
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    Default Synopsis

    Dr Who, season 13, episode 1: Auntie Knows Best

    The TARDIS is tumbling through the Time Vortex, out of control, explosions on the flight deck, cloister bells going nuts like it's Quasimodo's birthday... Oh bollocks, or possibly fallopian tubes; the Doc is regenerating again.

    Ooh, that's new... bollocks AND fallopian tubes. (S)He doesn't like the colour. Quick check in the Ford Anglia wing mirror that just happens to be handy and... hooray, at last, Ginger! But the Doctor quickly realises it's not hair. It's skin. A mixture of every skin colour the universe has ever produced. Except green, obviously, because that would be racist.

    The Master, having survived an attempt to murder himself twice at the same time and been recaptured by the Doctor, peels off his ''Agent O'' mask to reveal a familiar face.
    As the Doctor carefully removes the Sonic Dildo from hir third abdominal nostril, (s)he scornfully dismisses the disguise as rubbish, noting that he "played it just like Harry Saxon" and claims (s)he knew it was him all along.

    The TARDIS crash lands on a planet which, to everyone's surprise and out of all the planets in the universe where an out of control TARDIS could end up, turns out to be Earth.
    At first the Doctor and the Master don't recognize the planet because it's populated exclusively by daleks. They soon discover that they're not on Skaro however, when the daleks surround the ship and start chanting in unison "You will not leave! You will not leave! " That's when they realize they're in Borehamwood.

    The Doctor suggests to the Master that they "go meet the neighbours". As they step outside the TARDIS, a rainbow coloured dalek with pure white bumps announces, "I am Da-lek Snow-flake! You will be In-doc-tri-na-ted!"

    When the Doctor identifies hirself as "the Oncoming Storm. The Predator. The Destroyer Of Worlds. The Doctor Of War. Look me up." the dalek doesn't believe hir and says that every piece of intelligence the daleks have says the Doctor is a woman. Or a man. The Doctor tells Dalek Snowflake that (s)he has had an upgrade.

    The daleks, being sexless, are impressed and Snowflake says the Doctor would "make a good dalek". To which the Doctor replies "I did. Have you met Rusty? No, course you haven't, you're alive."

    The Doctor wonders how the daleks managed to conquer the Earth and why it's so hot and what happened to all the humans. Dalek Snowflake informs hir that all life was destroyed when the hot exhaled air of people talking about cow farts and stopping Brexit overcame the planet's ability to regulate its atmosphere and killed all the trees leading to the eventual breakdown of the Terrestrial foodchain. The only survivors were the "Woke Gods" entrenched in the "Genesis Palace", which the Doctor soon realises is the Dalek name for Elstree Television Centre. The Gods genetically engineered themselves to breathe the toxic atmosphere, then grew clones from their cells which they adapted to survive in metal casings to protect them from the high temperature.
    The Doctor realises that these daleks used to be men and women, but is admonished by Snowflake who informs hir that "These words are blas-phe-my!".
    All the daleks begin chanting, "Do not blas-pheme! Do not blas-pheme!"

    The Master seizes the opportunity and proclaims to the daleks that being both man and woman, the Doctor is the Hybrid - the ultimate threat to time and space. The daleks all chant, "In-doc-tri-nate! In-doc-tri-nate!" and shoot the Doctor.

    The barrage is fatal so the Doctor begins to regenerate. The daleks realising this resume firing and the Master does a time-lordie thing, syphoning off the Doctor's regeneration energy and also the daleks' weapon energy. He transforms into a part dalek-part time lord hybrid then morphs the daleks into similar form by means of his stolen Chameleon Arch and takes his place as absolute ruler of a completely homogenised Earth populated only by several billion copies of himself.

    Just like Auntie Beeb and the Woke generation always said it should be.

    The (hopefully final) End.

  2. #2 | 2144065
    Important staff person.
    Unbiased admin.
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    Default Re: Synopsis

    Love bears all things,believes all things,hopes all things,endures all things. Love never ends. 1 Corinthians: 13

  3. #3 | 2144117
    Partially absquatulated

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    That show has really gone to shit
    I know things most people have to google

  4. #4 | 2144214
    Just an allusion
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    Default Re: Synopsis

    It's for 11 year olds with imaginations not middle aged men struggling to keep up with 21st century ideas.
    Amusing smilies aside, you ought to realise that beneath what may sometimes appear to be banter, I do in fact despise you. Don't be flattered, my contempt is free to all lefties who support the indoctrination of children. ~ Memnoch, Dec 2014.
    Liked by: sphinx


  5. #5 | 2144216
    Smiter of the high and mighty.
    Google it.
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    Default Re: Synopsis

    Alice
    It's for 11 year olds with imaginations not middle aged men struggling to keep up with 21st century ideas.
    Train sets in the loft, Barbara. You know the sort.

  6. #6 | 2144234
    Partially absquatulated

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    Default Re: Synopsis

    I'm really pissed off with the PC BBC wankers that have messed up doctor who. It was one of those shows anyone could watch from 5 to 105, but the bastards have turned it into a gay soft porn job, and a shit one at that.
    I know things most people have to google

  7. #7 | 2144286
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    Default Re: Synopsis

    Alice
    middle aged men struggling to keep up with 21st century ideas.
    21st Century ideas wouldn't even exist if 21st Century people were capable of developing beyond the level of a four year old.

 


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