The problem with our song is it's dull and bland and sounds like a load of X-Factor pap.
People say we do badly because nobody likes us but that's not the case. When we've actually put some effort in, such as in 2009 when Andrew Lloyd Webber wrote the song, we did really well and came fifth.
So coming fifth counts as "doing really well" for us? What was the song?
Don't blame me, I voted Labour!
Free Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe
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Ignore list: Joke 90 and his sock puppets