I'm going to go rob a bank tomorrow.

I plan on dressing up in a clown wig and make up and only wearing a thong and nipple tassels.

I'll carry a goat and a can of fluorescent paint in one arm and, while in the bank, I'm going to shag the goat and throw the paint over the walls, all the time ripping up pages of a phonebook and swearing my head off. After getting the money, I'll do a big poo on the floor and pee everywhere. I then will escape in a van shaped like a giant pink penis.

Let's see Crimewatch stage a reconstruction of that!