I normally love my local market cheese stall but they just went too far about three weeks ago.
I'm partial to their extra mature cheese but I thought I'd have a change and go for their Tasty cheddar instead. I was standing about half a pace from the counter when a tiny old woman squeezed in front of me. I was a bit miffed but decided to let her get away with it. As a result I waited a considerable amount of time before being served.
When the cheese wench finally asked me what I wanted she was in a bit of a state. She was sweaty and wearing a fixed plastic smile. I said 'Could I have some of your Tasty cheddar please?' and she walked off. I should've realised the danger I was in when she whirled away half way through my request. She returned with what looked like the cheese I wanted and cut me a piece. I left wondering why it seemed a bit cheaper than normal but I hurried off, glad to be away.
When I returned home I decided to have some of my yummy cheese. Imagine my horror when I cut into it and it was softer than it should be! It was Tasty Lancashire, not Tasty cheddar! THE HORROR! The evil cheese wench hadn't listened beyond the word Tasty. EEEEVIL CHEESE WENCH!
Now don't get me wrong, I like normal Lancashire. It's mild flavour and unusual crumbly nature are things I can appreciate. It cooks well and doesn't go rubbery. Tasty Lancashire is a different creature entirely. It's very popular but I can't stand it. Do you hear me evil cheese wench? I CAN'T STAND IT! The zingy flavour seems awfully artificial and makes me pull a face because my tongue cries.
I've calmed down now, but it was a terrible traumatic experience and I shall never forget it. I'm still having nightmares about the evil cheese wench and her scary plastic smile...
So folks, keep a careful eye on your cheese at all times.